The Graveyard Drafts Series: Surviving R. Kelly
[Hello, 2019 Claudia! It’s me, 2025 Claudia]
The #metoo movement opened the minds of our country. Even though we aren’t completely there yet, people are now talking about sexual assault and believing most survivors. [Oh, little optimist] Even three years ago that seemed impossible. All of us survivors were hiding what had happened to us as if it were our fault, but now we all know that there is only one person to blame, and it ain’t us.
With all of this liberation, we [when I say we, I am referring to white women] have forgotten some fellow survivors. We have ignored an entire group of girls who have been suffering for over a decade. These women started to come out with the movement, but were put on hold. I’m not sure where we went wrong, but now we can fix it. A lot of white feminists haven’t seen Lifetime’s new docuseries Surviving R. Kelly or haven’t heard of it yet, but that may be because they feel like it doesn’t have to do with them, which is wrong.
As feminists, we need to take care of all of our ladies. [Yeah, fuck you, J.K. Rowling] Inclusivity is the moral behind feminism; we want women to be equal to men, and we want everyone to be able to be themselves freely. A common thought throughout history [And currently as we face fascism in this country] is that the country, as a whole, will take to a cause more quickly if the face of that cause is white. But it’s 2019 [2019, the last “normal” year] and we are all included in this fight against the patriarchy.
By not taking an interest in these six episodes that work through everything surrounding R. Kelly’s accusations, how can we ever end sexual assault in this country? If we only fight for survivors that our country (that was built on racism and sexism) will back up, then we never will. So let me tell you a little about what these strong survivors have endured, and let's get back on track to true equality.
The docuseries starts with R. Kelly’s childhood and continues TODAY. Each episode gives a detailed depiction of why Robert became a predator and the effect of what he has done. If we make this show as popular as any #metoo headline, more people who don’t identify with feminism will see it. And maybe even watch it, which would educate so many outside people about sexual assault.
There are still so many people who don’t believe that this movement is worth a damn, and a lot of survivors still believe there is no hope. We need more outreach programs like this to teach young girls that it is not their fault if they are assaulted. We can teach men that if they are assaulted, they can reach out for help. We can teach them that they don’t need to assault others to make what happened to them okay.
Robert was sexually assaulted by a family member, as was his younger brother. They never name the family member who assaulted Robert and his brother, but it would make sense if it were a man. A leading cause of “rapist” is a sexually assaulted child. Especially if a male child was assaulted by another male. This would explain why he feels the need to collect women and prove that he’s straight in an aggressively amplified way.
R. Kelly is an uneducated man with fame and fortune. He can’t read or write, and that along with his assault as a child created insecurities he felt the need to overcome. Most predators are trying to overcome some kind of insecurity through rape, on a psychological level. Power replaces the self-hate and reassures them that they are in charge. Taking control in the way he does makes the women in his life afraid of him, even with his incompetence.
Rape is about power, and that's what R. Kelly needs to survive. Fame gives him a free pass to take any precaution to keep hold of that control. He (27) got away with marrying Aaliyah (15) because no one stood up and said that it was wrong. His people lied for him and forged that she was 18 on the marriage certificate. His tight group of people covered up his pedophilia, over and over again. They saw it as him just having “a type”. [Hm… sounds so familiar to our current leaders] At first, we might be able to believe that these people thought that, but as he got worse and worse, those people kept lying for him and hiding the horrifying things he did to these young girls.
He got away with the child porn accusations because the girl and her family were too embarrassed to come out. The girl in the video didn’t want to live her life as “the girl in the R. Kelly sex tape.” She wanted to live a normal life and move on from the trauma he caused her. Every survivor has the right to do whatever they need to do to help their healing. We can’t deny the hardships that come with accusing a powerful man of sexual assault, and we cannot blame a survivor for protecting themselves from that. Especially in 2002, when this country had less empathy for survivors. [It truly feels like we have regressed in the last six years]
Since R. Kelly got away with the child porn that was spread all over the world, he believes he is untouchable. Allowing him to be forgiven by his fans, which includes supporting his career, allowed these terrible things to continue for over a decade. R. Kelly controls every aspect of these young girls’ lives. He tells them when they can pee, go outside, talk on the phone, and absolutely everything they want to do, they have to ask him first. He manipulates underage girls (14+) who want to pursue a music career or are young fans of his. He makes them fall for a kind and fun guy, R. Kelly, and then once they are brainwashed to be devoted to him, Robert comes out. He has developed a career on a fake personality he shows the world, and that's how he has gotten away with it for so long. His fans keep forgiving him because they love his music so much. [Seriously? Still?]
Keeping young girls away from their families (kidnapping them) and holding them for his own personal use (his sex ring) should be top news. It should’ve ended that moment the sex tape was leaked, but it didn’t, and it’s still happening today. How is this not the craziest thing you have heard? How has it taken this long for people to start listening to these survivors? [Six years later, and we are learning just how normal this shit was with ultra wealthy men… there’s even an entire list of them. And women have been speaking up for years about these horrific things these men were doing to them, but it was their word against a powerful, wealthy, respected man. When will we just listen to women? When you do that, you don’t need to uncover a file.]
It’s impossible not to see that the only reason this has been going on so long is because it was happening to young black girls. Our society pushes these girls aside because it assumes young black girls are old enough to make their own decisions. People assume that they are just “those kinds of girls” who will give themselves away to get farther in their music careers. It’s such a common thought that has become a nuance in American culture. [Black American children do not have the same childhood privileges as white American children. All children deserve equal innocence. No child should be perceived as an adult for any reason. That includes in court and marriage.]
Now is the time to destroy those stereotypes. Any young girl can get coerced into having sex if the person coercing them has power and uses it to manipulate them. It’s time to start seeing all young girls equally, no matter their race or background. We need to start having empathy for all young girls who become manipulated by older, powerful men. These brave survivors have been through hell, and we need to acknowledge them, but mostly, we need to help them get justice for what he has done/ is still doing to them.
It is time to stop supporting R. Kelly because Ignition reminds you of high school or college, or your prom. Are we so attached to things that we can’t let go of them when they are hurting so many people? We cannot separate the man from the music when the man has made these girls a part of it. Not only by using them as back-up vocalists or back-up dancers, but also by holding these girls in his studios and trailers on tours. By playing his music, unfollowing actors who support the survivors, and calling these women liars to protect a serial rapist pedophile, we are saying that these young black girls do not matter because he’s a musical genius. We are saying that it is okay for a powerful man to take away young black girls’ adolescence because he’s talented. It’s telling these girls that they do not matter.
[I guess I fear that I always sound like a white woman feminist, which I am, but I truly believe in equality and justice for all people on this planet. And I’m tired of not saying anything because I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing. Whenever I write about race, I am talking to the other white women, trying to give them that wake-up call. The internalized racism and the historic pain we have caused women of color in the name of “good enough” is something we need to face collectively. Throughout history, we have walked through the door and closed it behind ourselves.
Internalized racism is something we need to look at on an hourly basis. We need to stop just blindly believing the thoughts we’ve been taught about other people. We are not superior in any way. Watching this docuseries, I was horrified by the common rhetoric around black children that I had never known.
I believe the lingering racism that just lives in the cracks of this society, and honestly, straight up in our faces, is all bubbling to the surface. We are seeing how dark the history of this country is and what kind of future it created. People of color have been screaming it at us, but now it’s impossible to hide from. White people, but I’m talking to white women specifically, need to do the work, and it’s a forever job because of the conditioning in this country.
The imbalance between holding black and white men accountable for their pedophilia and sexual abuse is clear. R. Kelly is in jail, and the other one is the president. The media will smear a powerful black man, make sure his life is completely destroyed, cancel him - like for real, but no one wants to step on the toes of these powerful white men…
To me, a rapist is a rapist, no matter their gender, age, or race. It’s the true epidemic, not male loneliness. And it always has been. ]